Turquoise eyes with sleep-smudges beneath
And staring me down, what do you see?
You’re gone, but I’m smiling beneath a halo of smoke, sun and song

A silver-tongued angel with a smile like a star
If you touch my skin, could you feel the rush of heat?
 
Beneath the ribs, a heart;
Broken, beaten and restored
Beating for love and life and luck and laughter;
Pumping blood and God and sin,
Tangled together,
Creation from within.

The world really isn’t a bright place, if you look;
Light and dark and everything between,
How can we claim that life is any one thing?
Death, love and hate,
Everything happens simultaneously,
And who’s to say that there’s any rhyme or reason for it?
Does God intervene?
Maybe.
Does the Devil whisper in our ears?
Sometimes, so how can we lean to one side?

Life is not good
Life is not bad
Life is, and that is all

I laugh as the sun heats my skin
And the wind whips at my clothing;
The sky has never been a more beautiful blue.

There are goths with dark eyes,
Liars with long legs,
Leeches in disguise;
Lovers who won’t stay;
Mysterious magpies;

Perpetual, a world of insects, spinning
My love and my life, my luck and my laughter
Who says there’s no “Happily ever after”?
Love and life, luck and laughter,
We all. Just. Are.

Don’t.
Wait.
Hold on.
Don’t cry.
It’s okay.
Really.
I know.
Shh.
I know you do.
Maybe soon.
There you go.
No, you aren’t.
Really.
I mean it.
He’d be a moron, otherwise.
Really.
I promise.
Don’t cry.
It’s okay.
I know.
Shh.
What can I do?

There you go.
Wait, I-
No, I can’t, I-
Don’t cry, It’s okay.
I… fine.
I just… what?
I’ll just… like this?
I don’t-
Wait, I-
I don’t, I can’t, I don’t-
I-
Oh God, what?
No, I-
I mean yes, but-
Oh god, what?
It’s not-
This isn’t-
Don’t-
Oh God, I’m shaking, I-
No, this can’t-
Please, please, pl-
No, this-
I can’t!
No!
Don’t-
No!
F-Fuck, fucking-

What happened?
I need to-
Oh my God, no, cut it-
Cut it off, I-
I never-
I don’t want to look, I don’t-
I don’t want to see it, ever, don’t-
Don’t look, don’t-
Don’t touch, I’ll never use it, I don’t want-
I don’t-
Please, I-
Don’t ever-
Don’t, don’t don’t ever-

Don’t ever cry
Don’t ever think
What would they say about you?
Would they even believe?
No, no, what did I do?
Is this me?

I feel so sick,
So, so, so sick,
And you smile,
You grin
And I hate you
And I love you
And you joke
And I… laugh?

I shake and I swallow my voice
And everything seems normal
But it’s wrong, and did it really happen?
No,
I wouldn’t,
You wouldn’t do that to me.
Would you?
Couldn’t be,
And I want to scream when you wink,
Your words are deafening,
They explode like a bombshell
And send everything to Hell;


Don’t.

Ever.

Tell.

Your eyes scream obscenities at me.
What did I ever do to you?
What did-
Shut up, boy.
Shut UP, boy.
Your smoke lays heavily in the air,
But it’s not nearly as thick as your malice.
Do I really deserve this?
Do I really-
Shut up, boy.
I said shut UP, boy.

I… I’m dirty
And I’m dingy
I disgust me
And a mat in the corner of a room used for everything is all mine
You can’t take that away,
Please don’t take it away

There’s maggots on the floor
And the fleas keep biting me
Please God, don’t make me stay
Are you listening as I pray?

It hurts because you won’t help.
You won’t even try.
Stand up,
Be a man,
Please, save me, it’s what you’re here for!
Don’t. Let her. Hurt me. Anymore.

So many maggots on the floor,
So many fleas, they keep biting me

Wait, where did you go?
I… can’t do this.
Not alone.
No, who’s going to hold it back now!?
Please, don’t leave me!
It’s alive, It’s a beast and it’s ready for a feast

What did I ever do to you?
Do I really deserve-
Shut UP, boy.

There’s a toilet with no water, only shit;
The walls are peeling and the ceiling is falling down and
They’re crying and she’s screaming
And beating and smoking and drinking and
I’m sobbing and shaking and hiding and
SAVE ME.
Where did you go?
I’m so, so young, I cannot do this alone

I can’t weep any more if I tried.
I’m empty and hollow,
And my mind is gone before I’m thirteen.
The malice has seeped into me and I’ve lost a vital human part;
My heart.
Why? Why why why?
Don’t ask boy, you won’t receive.
No friends, boy.
Stay here, boy.
Your name?
Boy.
For the love of God,
Someone shoot me in my face,
I cannot bare another day.

Turquoise irises with sleep-smudges beneath
I’m cracking from the inside out;
Hide it all away,
The terror,
The shame.
There are no alternatives when every day you wake and fear for your life.
What does it look like when this nameless thing smiles?
He seems alright to me, he just looks tired.

We’re from child protective services.
Hope?
Everything seems to be in order here, sorry to have bothered you.
Vomit.

Maggots
Fleas
Shit
Screams
So. Many. Screams.

Perpetual, a sickening sorrow consumes me
A thick black sludge, sin?
It’s forming between my teeth
I don’t think I’m safe here
Please… let me leave.

So much hate and so much remorse,
So much jealousy contained in my clockwork heart.
There’s no killing this thing,
Constructed from terror and sadness,
Of wrath and shame;

Fair warning.
I’m damaged,
I’m deranged,
And I’m now I’m looking to kill my pain.

— And I’ll tear out another heart
And I’ll break another
And smash another
And—

Wait.
St. St. Stop.
Thump thump thump thump.
Forgive me for staring.
Thump thump thump thump.
I… Um.

What’s happening?
Why can’t I move?
Why can’t I breathe?
Darkened eyes with amber streaks,
What have you done to me?
I’m lost to a sparkling smile with dimpled cheeks,
The planet has stopped. Spinning.

You speak, and time starts again.
Is this what heaven is?
It’s so cliche, but what else can I think?
Nothing’s compared to this…

Shut up, boy.
She’s just a girl,
one more pretty thing in the world;
Move on, boy,
You’ve got work to do, boy,
You’ve got—

And I see it.
A distortion, starting at the valley of her neck,
It shines it’s way down,
Lost between her breasts;
Glorious, it’s gorgeous, glamorous;
This one has a story to tell me,
This one is special,
This one will be remembered;


   “I am the great and powerful Oz!”
        “Well… Maybe not THAT great…”


Turquoise irises with sleep-smudges beneath
You’d never believe if you peered through the cracks in my face
A silver-tongued angel with a smile like a star
And beneath the ribs, no longer a machine;
A muscle,
Pumping for amber streaks and dimpled cheeks,
Working to have a hand to hold;
Only yours.

I can’t lie to you, and I wouldn’t even if I could.
To do so would make you frown.
Simply out of the question.

Come here and stand with me,
We’ll gaze upon what we were.
Our pasts are like mutants,
Malicious monsters clawing at our ankles,
begging to be put out of their misery.

(Take my hand.
   Kiss me.
   Again.
   Again.
   Once more.
   Take this.
   Do you know how to hold it?
   Like this.
   That’s right.
   Okay.
   Are you ready?
   Aim.
   Fire).

Their blood runs thick,
Bodies like shards of glass blowing away in the wind,
Never, ever to be seen again.

Time to turn to face the sun,
To face the clock,
To face the mountains and oceans and planets;
Life’s ours, love,
And I’ll meet you in the Garden of the Gods. 

Perpetual, the sweetest song, you love me
The softest lips, a kiss, flowers and a ring
I told you you’d always be safe here
I know, we were always meant to be.

Turquoise irises with sleep-smudges beneath
The Earth won’t know what to do with us
Darkened eyes, streaks of amber, free of grief;
With our love,
With our life,
We make heaven jealous

Turquoise irises with sleep-smudges beneath
You’d never believe if you peered through the cracks in my face
A silver-tongued angel with a smile like a star
If you touch my skin, I wonder, could you feel the layer of ice beneath?
Would I rob you of your warmth?
Baby, you know you’d love it.

Perpetual, a silent scream escapes me
A thick black sludge, sin, squeezes between my teeth
I’m not sure you’d ever be safe here;
No, it’s best if you’d just leave.

Behind the ribs, a clockwork heart,
Jealous, and working to cut yours in half;
To squeeze every emotion from it,
To absorb it,
To rob you of your love, your trust, your life.

(I love the way the boy laughs.
   He’s so understanding, and he’s cute, too.
   He’s creative and loving, I’d give him my all
   if he would just ask).

Perpetual, a laughing lie, it rapes me
A thick black sludge, sin, squeezes between my teeth
Oh, I know you’d never be safe here,
But wouldn’t it be stupid to leave?

I’ve got a kingdom of nothing at my feet,
A mirage of a future constructed from everything you’ve ever said;
It shines like everything you’ve ever wanted, doesn’t it?
You can have it.
Except… you can’t.

(I love you so much.
   I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us.
   Can you?
   Oh, let’s be together forever,
   I’ll never have enough).

Yes, love.
Of course, love.
Forever, love.
Together, love.
I’m sorry, love.
It’s gone, love.
I warned you, love.
The time has come;
I. Am. Numb.

As you cry for me, I’ll say nothing.
I warned you when we began, and now I say it again;

Perpetual, my burning breaths, they break me
A thick black sludge, sin, squeezes between my teeth
I told you you’d never be safe here,
Why wouldn’t you just fucking leave?

Turquoise irises with sleep-smudges beneath
You’d never believe if you peered through the cracks in my face
A silver-tongued angel with a smile like a star,
And under his belt:
A brand-new heart